And Bruce is my favorite facebook writer and friend. Many of his posts are political, but todays isn't. And it's still great.
Today, I bore witness to one of the most epic battles since Patton's armies chased Rommel across North Africa. Since the Duke of Wellington's victory over Joseph Bonaparte at Vitoria. Since Liz Taylor and Richard Burton co-starred in Virginia Wolfe. Since... you get my drift. Every day as I finish my morning route, the Ravens of Snappytown get my leftover baked goods. They've learned to recognize my truck at the top of the hill, so when they see me coming, they fly up ahead and await their bounty on my fence. There are several in the local murder, but there appear to be two Alpha males; I call them Obsidian and Quote. As I backed into the driveway, Obsidian hopped to pole position, just alongside the Javamobile, anticipating his score.
I tossed out a nice Asiago cheese bagel, which landed just outside my fence. Quick as you can say Hitchcock, Obsidian and Quote were on that bagel like stupid on Ted Nugent. They're not quite strong enough to get airborne with a whole cheese bagel, so they hold the bagel in place with their feet, peck all the cheese off of it, then come back later and tear up the bread part into smaller, transportable chunks.
But our story is about to take a dark turn.
In the Northeast corner of my yard, there's a fir tree that's maybe 40'-50' tall. And in this tree lurks the most fearsome, ferocious beast this side of Loch Ness. That's right. I'm talking about Brutus the Wonder Squirrel. Brutus isn't your run of the mill Western Fox Squirrel. He's quite possibly the King of all Oregon Rodentia. He's big and mean, and he's the only dude that strikes fear in Quote and Obsidian. And he packs some pretty impressive filberts of his own, if you know what I mean.
So just as the Ravens began dismantling the bagel, here comes Brutus, and he means business. He bounded out of the Death Tree (think Death Star from Star Wars, with Brutus being Darth Rodent), climbed up and over the fence, and chased the two corvids away from his treasure. Unlike the Ravens, Brutus is able to carry an entire bagel in his jaws. He picked it up in his teeth and made his way to the fence... But when he started his climb, the mass of the bagel was just too much for him to keep it ahead of his body, and he started to struggle.
Just then, out of the steely February sky came two dark streaks. It was Quote and Obsidian, and they wanted their bagel back! They began dive bombing Brutus who had his hands full (actually, it was his mouth) trying to make it back to the Death Tree with his spoils. But the Ravens were having no part of it. Especially since Brutus's teeth were presently occupied, what was he going to do about it? Quote got on the top of the fence and began hollering like a banshee, while Obsidian stayed on Brutus's south side, literally plucking at his tail. Again; hands full of fence, mouth full of bagel. What's a squirrel with a reputation for being the neighborhood badass gonna do?
He dropped the bagel and lunged for Quote, who made a quick exit to the power lines. Just then, Obsidian PICKED UP the bagel in his beak and carried it—airborne—to the roof of the Javamobile, whereupon he blurted out a few loud caws to Quote and the others to join him, which they did. Had I not seen it, I wouldn't have believed it. It looked like a flying bagel with a black feather duster attached to it.
But alas, poor Brutus. He's not such a bad guy, and I couldn't just let him go home without a consolation prize. So I rummaged through the rest of my leftovers and found one last Marionberry muffin. This is your lucky day, dude. I walked over to the Death Tree and broke the muffin into three pieces, then walked up to the porch to observe. In no time, here was Brutus AND another squirrel, which I assumed was Mrs. Brutus! And they dined on the muffin. Brutus ate two pieces to Mrs. Brutus's one. (Ate two, Bruti?)
I surveyed the battleground. Two happy squirrels to my left (the larger one missing a few hairs from his tail), four or five contented Ravens to my right, perched atop the truck going to town on a bagel. No blood, no bodies, no casualties. And everybody's happily ingesting carbs. I'd make a good diplomat.
All is right with my corner of the world.
Florida Attorney Steve Medina has been working on a case, pro bono, to expose the environmental corruption which has been taking place in Tallahassee and Putnam County, Florida.The language in question -- the handiwork of Christie's own administration empowers the governor to divert money obtained from environmental litigation away from pollution cleanup programs and into the state’s general fund, where it can be used to fill budget gaps or finance corporate subsidies. The provision explicitly takes precedence over other state laws designed to direct proceeds from environmental lawsuits into New Jersey’s environmental protection programs.
Before you can join the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina and get on the primary ballot, they ask that you pledge that you've never ever had pre-marital sex -- and that you will never ever look at porn again.
Roy, who was 42, is the second Bangladeshi blogger to have been murdered in two years and the fourth writer to have been attacked since 2004.
And you owe it to yourself to check out Rocky Mountain Mike.
Get a free book, “The Life and Death of NSSM 200” by N4CM Chairman Dr Stephen D Mumford freely available to download.
Commenting on The Life and Death of NSSM 200, Dr Fornos wrote: “Mumford’s book provides chilling insight into why the Vatican’s permanent observer status at the UN – whereby it uses its influence at the world’s most important secular forum to spread religious dogma – should be reconsidered. The Life and Death of NSSM 200 is must reading for all students of public policy.”